Stories play a vital role in the growth and development of children. The books they read and the characters they get to know can become like friends. It’s also good for children to understand that books are a useful source of information and that good reading skills are important for success in their future lives. Reading also helps children with their confidence levels, coping with feelings and language and learning.

Confidence Levels

Children who can read well are more likely to have higher confidence levels. This will benefit them in school as they’ll feel able to participate fully in activities. Another part of building confidence and self-esteem is knowing where you fit into the world. Stories can help with this process by showing children what people’s lives are like where they live and in other parts of the world.

Language and Learning

Stories are a great way to introduce new words and ideas into a child’s language – starting with picture books for the very young, working up to more complex novels for teenagers. Stories can help children learn about concepts such as shape, size, space and colour, up and down, inside and outside, numbers and the names of objects. They can also teach children about everyday tasks, such as how to brush their teeth, taking care of animals, cleaning and tidying and preparing food.

Stories are also useful for teaching more complex ideas, such as the importance of sharing, the passage of time, compassion for others. They can be useful when trying to explain traumatic events, such as family break-ups and bereavement.

Fiction based on real-life can also help children with their own life experience – it shows them how diverse the world is and that some people’s lives are vastly different to theirs.

And what’s so great about learning through stories is that the process is done in a natural way. There’s no actual teaching involved at all, they learn from simply reading the story.

Relaxation

Reading stories can be helpful for relaxation, before bedtime for example. They allow children to forget the stresses and strains of the day and indulge in fantasy for a while. The soothing familiarity of a much-loved story, the rhyming and repetition in a picture book, plus the sense of security that time spent reading together can foster, all help the child to relax.

Development of Imagination

Stories help to develop a child’s imagination by introducing new ideas into their world – ideas about fantastical worlds, other planets, different points in time and invented characters. It’ll encourage the children to realise that they can, and should, imagine anything they want. The beauty of stories is that they can be super realistic or incredibly fantastical. They can be reading about children growing up in exactly the same situation as them one minute and about another species, Martians holidaying on Jupiter for example, the next.

Coping With Feelings

When children read stories that contain feelings it can help them understand and accept their own feelings. It helps them understand that there are other children who feel the same way and they are not alone. This helps the child understand that feelings are normal and should be expressed. Watching their responses to the feelings of the characters in the stories will give you some idea of how a child feels about certain situations and emotions. For example, how the child responds to the character in the story feeling sad or scared will give you some idea of how the child thinks.

As you can see, children’s stories are important for a number of reasons and form a vital part of the growing process. Being part of that process can bring writers a sense of satisfaction as well as being great fun.

Many adults are crippled with indecision when faced with difficult choices. Others, worse yet, make self-destructive choices and repeatedly demonstrate poor judgment. But no one is born with good judgment and the ability to make wise decisions. Good judgment and decision-making skills develop from experience combined with reflection. As one sage noted, “Judgment develops from experience. Good judgment develops from bad experience.”

Your goal is to give your child experience in making decisions, and make sure she has the opportunity to reflect on them and learn. You also want to raise a child who feels good about herself, so that she takes pleasure in making good decisions, rather than bad ones. Research shows that kids who’ve been treated less than kindly get used to feeling bad, so as teens and adults they make decisions that make them feel bad.

How can you help your child develop good judgment?

1. Practice makes perfect.

Give your child practice making choices even before she begins talking and she’ll never have a problem making decisions. (Who cares if the stripes and flowers clash? She thinks she looks like a rainbow. And if other people can’t figure out that she dressed herself, you don’t really care about their opinion of your parenting, do you?)

2. Be clear about his span of control.

Emphasize what he has the right to make decisions about, and what areas you as the parent retain the right to exert control over.

With toddlers:

“Yes, I guess you may wear your superman outfit again, although you’ve worn it every day this week. You’re in charge of your own clothes. But you’ll need to change before we go to services, because there we dress up to show respect. And you’ll need to brush your teeth. Do you want to do it now or before we leave the house?”

With preteens:

“You can invite your friends for Friday night dinner if you want, but you’re expected to have dinner with the family on Friday night as usual. You can either go to the movies with your friends after dinner on Friday, or on Saturday.”

3. Consciously help your child develop good judgment by reflecting with him.

Many people never develop good judgment because their experience isn’t accompanied by reflection. Help him to make decisions consciously (“How will you decide what piece to play for the recital?”) and to think through the possible repercussions of various choices before he makes them (“I wonder if you’ll feel too pressured about getting your homework done if you add another after-school activity.”)

Just as important, offer her the opportunity to reflect on how her decisions worked out (“I know you were worried about having both of your friends over at the same time this afternoon. Are you glad you invited Clarisse to join you and Ellie for the playdate?”)

4. Model the process of decision making.

Share how and why you make decisions from the time your child is tiny:

“I think I’ll bring an umbrella on our walk. It looks like rain.”

“I’m going to try the salmon; it’s really good for you.”

“I’d like our family to help with the drive for school supplies; all children deserve a good education, and this is one way to help.”

5. Expect your child to make some bad decisions.

He’s still learning about himself as well as about life. It’s just more opportunity for reflection and the development of good judgment, as long as you help him consider afterwards how things could have been different if he had made different choices. Teens have more decision making latitude, and they’re bound to make some bad decisions. Just try to resist the universal impulse to say “I told you so,” and they’ll learn from them.

Let’s talk about the elephant in the room–physical abuse. It’s something that most parents have a hard time talking about. However, awareness is power. It’s important that we create opportunities to talk to our children about what a good touch is and what is not, like Meeta did.

Meeta and her four-year-old were playing hide-and-seek. Every time Meeta found her daughter, she awarded her with a hug.

During their water-break Meeta asked, “Do you like that?” to her little one and then explained that a hug from mamma is good touch–which is why it feels so good.

Meeta created an opportunity to talk to her child.

Here are five ways in which you can do the same:

1) Avoid the ‘pee-pee’ ‘poo-poo’ talk!

“We don’t live in the Elizabethan age you see!” my son’s paediatrician said when I approached him about the topic I was writing about. What I understood about his unique perspective was that parents don’t give children the credit of being smart enough.

“Kids understand reality if you tell them. Half the time you’re just trying to baby-talk them to understanding the world differently,” he added.

Kids as young as two years of age understand that certain body parts are private. We should tell them the same. Parents can avoid the mushy ‘this is a pee-pee’ talk sometimes and tell them the importance of their body parts.

Your body is your property!

“You need to tell them that their body is their private property amidst the soft talk that you already do,” the doctor explained. He believed that this way, by the time they turn four-to-five, children are aware of each part, their functions, and the fact that it’s private property that they need to safeguard!

“Don’t worry, they won’t get scared!” added the doctor.

2) Talk easy

Well, we just discussed that parents should reduce the mushy talk and sometimes discuss the facts. Now, I’m telling you the opposite. Wondering why?

Talking facts with children and talking as if they are in an official business meeting are two different things. The first is an advice and the latter, they will not understand.

Giving the child looks that say,”Come here, I have a do or die situation that I want to discuss with you,” makes the entire conversation inherently serious.

“Take it easy. Talk causally and initiate the ‘touch-talk’ during playtime or dinner table conversation.” says Dhriti, a Mumbai-based school co-ordinator. I’m sure you agree!

3) What does your undie cover?

“We have an undergarment rule,” says Jitesh.

Over weekends, it’s Jitesh’s duty to brush, bathe, and feed his five-year-old.

“I tell my son that every part that his undergarments cover are those that nobody is allowed to touch. Not even me. This is our undergarment rule,” he adds.

If we know how to go about talking to our children, this point gives us an example of what to actually say.

“My son likes logic and that’s why he likes this rule. Now he knows good touch and bad touch from the perspective of his body parts,” concludes Jitesh.

Could he ask for more?

4) Shout! Shout! Shout!

“We keep telling children to be polite, talk softly, and be well mannered especially around strangers. I teach them to shout!”

This is Dr Upasana, a well-renowned child psychologist who is sitting across the table and enlightening me as how to make my child mannerless!

Seeing the look on my face she laughs and asks me not to worry (worrying should officially be made the synonym for parenting!)

Polite or safe?

Dr Upasana tells me that there is a difference between being polite and being polite amidst strangers who give you odd vibes. When children are given permission to be rude to strangers, they gain confidence.

If kids are rude to someone, they should be encouraged to share the reason why they were impolite, but should not be abruptly stopped.

“I listen to my son and accept his reason, if he has one. I respect his gut feeling,” adds Dr Upasana.

Her son is not scared of making a hue and cry around someone who he seems uncomfortable with. He understands that he has the permission for rudeness when someone is not treating him right.

“Letting them off the ‘good manners‘ hook makes demonstrating this discomfort easy,” concludes the child psychologist.

5) Touching is a thing of the past

Uncle Sameer is visiting and Nina says namaste from a distance. Granny Laxmi says, “Touch your uncle’s feet Nina. Give him a hug!” Nina looks at her mom and then sits next to her granny, whispers, “No naani, it’s not necessary. Mamma said.”

“Don’t force children to hug or touch feet. Not doing that does not make them rude. It just avoids unnecessary touch,” explains Nina’s mom.

Nina and her daughter have made certain rules together. Nina believes that she is a ‘cool’ girl at six and flying kisses or sitting on anyone’s lap is ‘uncool.’ She should carry her ‘cool’ body around with confidence and tell mamma whatever she feels.

Hats off to Nina’s mom for adding the ‘cool’ quotient to the very serious topic of good touch bad touch.

Now I know how and what to tell my son. Do you?